3. God (Old Testament version) 
Yes, I fear this particular version of god. 'Cos he... Yes, I said he. God has got to be a male, and I assume he IS a male. 'Cos you don't put a woman in charge of THE second most important job in the entire friggin' universe, the most important job being the President of the United States of course (thank god Mrs Clinton lost. Thank god hahahaha! Get it?). Relax ladies, I'm just joshing. Okay, back to my point. I fear this particular version of god 'cos he sounds pretty scary to me. Remember The Flood? That wasn't too pleasant. Oh, and Sodom and Gomorrah? That scared me shitless! Anyone who has the power to destroy cities AND plunge the whole wide world into water definitely deserves to be feared. You may ask, What's the difference between the Old Testament god and the New Testament god? Aren't they essentially the same? No, they're not. The OT god is scary and an infinitely strict disciplinarian but the NT god sounds way too lenient. You disobey and piss off the OT god, you get floods, plagues and dead children(I'm thinking about that animated movie with Moses in it). OT god is like Hulk--make 'im angry and he smashes you and scares you straight. NT god is like Wonder Woman--she'll tie you up with her lasso of truth and make you feel a wee bit guilty and then she'll forgive you. Who's gonna fear a FORGIVING god? Geez louise! About that picture of clouds, it's just what I see in my head when I think about god--puffy clouds. If you wanna get an inkling of how god can be, try reading the Bible, the Koran, the Tanakh or Wikipedia. These 4 holy books can show you how gigantenormously scary god can or can't be.
Yes, I fear this particular version of god. 'Cos he... Yes, I said he. God has got to be a male, and I assume he IS a male. 'Cos you don't put a woman in charge of THE second most important job in the entire friggin' universe, the most important job being the President of the United States of course (thank god Mrs Clinton lost. Thank god hahahaha! Get it?). Relax ladies, I'm just joshing. Okay, back to my point. I fear this particular version of god 'cos he sounds pretty scary to me. Remember The Flood? That wasn't too pleasant. Oh, and Sodom and Gomorrah? That scared me shitless! Anyone who has the power to destroy cities AND plunge the whole wide world into water definitely deserves to be feared. You may ask, What's the difference between the Old Testament god and the New Testament god? Aren't they essentially the same? No, they're not. The OT god is scary and an infinitely strict disciplinarian but the NT god sounds way too lenient. You disobey and piss off the OT god, you get floods, plagues and dead children(I'm thinking about that animated movie with Moses in it). OT god is like Hulk--make 'im angry and he smashes you and scares you straight. NT god is like Wonder Woman--she'll tie you up with her lasso of truth and make you feel a wee bit guilty and then she'll forgive you. Who's gonna fear a FORGIVING god? Geez louise! About that picture of clouds, it's just what I see in my head when I think about god--puffy clouds. If you wanna get an inkling of how god can be, try reading the Bible, the Koran, the Tanakh or Wikipedia. These 4 holy books can show you how gigantenormously scary god can or can't be.
2. Artificial intelligence
Self-aware computers. Rogue robots. Did you watch the Matrix? The Terminator? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, I shan't elaborate.
Self-aware computers. Rogue robots. Did you watch the Matrix? The Terminator? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, I shan't elaborate.
1. Hamsters
As my friend Mark can attest, I fear hamsters. They are demons coated in fur. Deceitful creatures secretly plotting world domination by first going for the common household. I advise anyone and everyone to KEEP THESE CREATURES OUT OF YOUR HOMES. But if you really must keep them(they're adorable, I know), make certain their cages are padlocked. I know what you're thinking: This guy's more afraid of hamsters than god. Yeah, I am. 'Cos god's existence is a possibility, not a definitity(sic). He might or might not exist, that's what I'm saying. As for hamsters, they definitely exist. I even got bit by one in my childhood. He tried to kill me and take over my raw fresh nubile virgin youthful healthy body so that he could take over my household. But luckily I flushed him down the toilet along with the veggies my mum gave me for dinner when my mum wasn't looking. See that picture of that hamster on top? You see how the eyes glimmer with cheeky innocence? See how he's dressed up with angel wings and, makes us gush with saccharine childishness and let our guard down? See how adorable the smile is, it just makes you wanna hold 'im? DECEIT I TELL YA! DECEIT! Well they may have fooled the world, but they ain't foolin' me! Evil conniving little rodents!
