My mum didn't see the irony in calling me a son of a b*tch

He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god.

Earlier today, I was forced by my Nazi mum to run an errand for her. She made me travel 46 miles to the worst part of the country yet. The part of the country that's overrun with idiots, poor people with poor manners and ugly people in ugly clothes. And these idiots aren't any ol' idiots; this is the most dangerous type of idiots 'cos decorum and civility escape them, they aren't intimidated by class nor refinement. AND I had to walk through a ridiculously crowded supermarket. I liken the experience to clubbing, with the only difference being old people and bad music. Okay, I'm just kidding; both places have bad music. HAHA! And these old people aren't exactly the nicest bunch. They'd bump into you without the slightest hesitation, they'll step on your shoes, they'll hit you with their baskets. Heck, they'll even rub their oily scaly hide against you! Times like this I wish I had superpowers like spikes coming out of my skin when people make physical contact with me. That'd be cool beans, though that would hurt with the ladies. Or maybe I could be like the Human Torch and torch those m*th*rf*ck*rs to Hell. Oops, too crass. Hehe.

I've been toying with the idea of getting a mini-fridge for my room. I've got my PC, TV, telephone and stereo. With a mini-fridge, I can be self-sufficient. I can stay in my room for days on end. Sure I'll have to leave my sanctuary occasionally to use the bathroom and kitchen, but it's only out of necessity. Hmm, come to think of it, I don't have to bathe! I could just get one of those wet tissues that come in packets! And there's deodorant too. And I don't need to eat staple food. Nutrition's overrated! I can survive on cereal! It's got protein, carbohydrate, iron etc. That's more than I need. If I'm really hungry, I'd order pizza and get the delivery guy to pass it to me through my window. Oh sweet, me and my little asylum, my little safehouse. Just the thought makes me all tingly inside. I almost forgot, I'd be deprived of human contact. Oh heck, who needs human contact when I have my stuffed unicorn Orion to keep me company. I'm gonna pack the fridge with nothing but Bailey's and strawberry soda!

add (Sept 27 2.41am): I forgot to mention that while on my treacherous journey, I encountered a large group of transvestites. Intially looking at their toned physique, broad shoulders and firm posture, I thought they were just a bunch of really well-fed women. Then I saw bulges in their necks inches below their slightly scruffy chins. Seemed suspiciously like Adam's apple. Oh beloved Jehovah!