Why do women keep marrying Larry King? The guy looks like a toad

30 minutes ago, I consumed what I thought was sweet milk, only to be informed shortly after that I had just drank 16oz of concentrated sweetened coconut milk. So I guess.....

NOTHING LIKE A SUGAR RUSH TO CLEAR MY MIND AND STEER IT TO CLARITY! Now I am absolutely certain of my purpose in life! No doubt (not Gwen Stefani's band)! No longer will I sit in pensive silence pondering what meaning my existence holds! When I grow up, I'm gonna be a... UNICORN!
... ...
Or a ninja.

I don't make stuff up you know--I imagine 'em.

add (Sept 27 12.31am): I have been influenced by my idol Stephen Colbert to attempt becoming a political satirist in the foreseeable future. But that's not to say my true destiny of being a majestic unicorn will be denied. I shall be a full-time unicorn, part-time political satirist. On an unrelated note, I don't trust Oprah. There's just something about her eyes, they look like they hide an ancient evil.